This is actually from an in-flight magazine some five or so years ago. I have a hardcopy of the page, but I don’t remember which airline or who “Steve” was by last name[1]. What I recall is that he is a british coach with a no-nonsense approach. The kind of guy who doesn’t tell you that a little workout would improve your fitness, but instead tells you that you’re fat and need to shape up, starting today.
I’m a fan of that approach. I believe we have become way too “politically correct” in many ways, and instead of just stopping mobbing (which I agree should be stopped) we have gone so far that people are afraid of saying the simple truth if said truth is uncomfortable. I don’t subscribe to that point of view. Fat people are fat, and saying that isn’t bullying, it’s stating a fact. Reminding them constantly, especially much faster than they can change, is where you start to cross the line, but calling a fat guy what he is – fat guy – is just the motivation he may need to start changing.
So without further ado, here is
Steve’s 10 steps to achieving what you want in life
- Stop whining
Get over blaming other people if things are wrong in your life – it’s time to take responsibility. If you want to be slim, I don’t want to hear excuses like “It’s harder to shift weight when you’re older”. Hey, no-one is fat in a famine. It’s time to take responsibility for what you are. - Realise anything is possible
Whether you want to lose four stone, stop smoking or become a director of your own company, everything is possible. Think you can’t quit smoking? If I told you someone was holding your loved one hostage, and was going to shoot them unless you gave up smoking, would you be able to? Thought so. - Get tough with yourself
Take a look in the mirror and see yourself as a quality product, not something in the mark-down bin. The world is divided into people with high self-esteem and those who are stuck in a hole of low self-esteem. It’s time for you to climb out and join the high flyers. - Visualise your goal
Define a vision of what you want to achive. If you have to make a big work presentation, visualise the outcome: See it, feel it, hear it. Imagine that success is already here, with people applauding your presentation. The same applies if you want to lose weight. See and feel yourself as a size 8: Run your hands up and down your body and imagine the curves of a slimmer you. Start thinking of your goal as a reality. - Make an action plan
Now you’ve defined your vision, identify the actions to get you there. These the the things you will need to do, day in, day out, until they become a habit. For example, if you to lose weight, your new actions will include choosing healthy foods. Hypnotherapy can reinforce acts and their new associations. So every time you eat, you think, “I enjoy eating slowly, and I enjoy eating healthily” instead of old associations, like comfort eating. Clients are briefed on self-hypnosis, so they can carry on reinforcing this at home. - Identify your first step
What’s an immediate task that will get things rolling? Big or small, this will be a concrete sign to yourself that life is about to change. If you have bad eating habits, you could go home and throw out all the junk foods from your cupboards. If you want to overcome anxiety, you might resolve to give yourself a self-hypnosis session every morning to prepare for the day. - Play a movie in your mind
You’re over halfway on your journey to achieving your goal, so now is the time to close your eyes and screen a movie of all the stages you’ve been through so far. Remember your initial resolve; recall the image of your final outcome and remind yourself of the actions you’ve taken to get there. - Stay strong
Each day, check your resolve. If you start to hear yourself talking like a victim (“I’m having a bad day”) see a bright red stop sign in your mind. If you’re overweight, remind yourself of what you look like in the mirror – a fat, lazy pig, who is uncomfortable with their body. - Congratulate yourself!
In our culture, we hold back when it comes to praise. But you’re doing well, so congratulations. Treat yourself to something that makes you feeld good about yourself, whether it’s a luxurious leather diary so you feel super-organised at work, or a fabulous pair of shoes. - Think JFDI
That is, Just Flaming Do It. This mantra will help you keep on track. Now, your success is in your hands!
Some Analysis of the Points
I expect to write more about this and condense it and merge it with a few other things I have notes on, but a few things I want to point out that I noticed:
In #1 and #2 he uses a simple mind-trick: Challenging assumptions and (in NLP terminology) challenging all-quantors. If you use words like “never” or “always”, you are very likely making a semantic mistake, because there are always exceptions. What Steve does is use an extreme circumstance that makes it clear that there are exceptions so you should stop thinking in absolute terms. Once you do that, things become a lot easier because your assumption of impossibility has been damaged or removed.
#4-#6 is actually an NLP technique. The actual technique goes a little bit different and you should try both and check which one works better for you. In the NLP technique, you visualise your goal and yourself as having reached it, then instead of thinking start-to-goal, you reverse the process, and “look back” at the steps that you, in the visualisation, completed to reach the goal. It’s a minor difference in words, but a big difference for the mind. Instead of thinking “I could… this would… it might…” you think “I did… which led to… which resulted in…” – you remove the subjunctive. Then you go back through your steps this way, and the last step you take to get back at your start is the first step you then need to take to actually move towards your goal.
#8 is a variation you find often in good self-help literature. One of the basic principles of improving yourself is to move from a passive/victim role into an active/responsible role. There is another linguistic trick that helps here: Learn to watch your language and notice if you are speaking in the passive or active voice. That doesn’t mean you can’t talk in the passive voice – it is appropriate for some things. But if you become conscious to the mode of expression, and realize that many things can be expressed in both ways, and then ask yourself why you have chosen the one and not the other, a regular day can be enlightening about yourself.
- [1] In other words, if you have hints for me so I can properly credit the guy, please post a comment. ↩
